1
00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:04,004
媻

2
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:10,143
The Potential For A Long‐Lasting
Lightbulb Is Enormous.

3
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,312
In A Recent Study,
People's Desire To See Things

4
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,214
Ranked Third,
Right After Hitting Things

5
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:16,382
And Trying To Have Sex
With Things.

6
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:19,352
And If People Could...
(Whispering) Hey!
That's My Doughnut!

7
00:00:19,385 --> 00:00:20,954
(Whispering)
Shut Up. Ted's Talking.

8
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:24,691
By Leveling The Current, We Have
Increased Bulb Life By 38%.

9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,661
This Is The Greatest Leap
In Bulb Technology Since...
Hey!

10
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,463
Shh.
Interesting Fact‐‐
The Original Lightbulb Shape

11
00:00:30,496 --> 00:00:32,365
Was Patterned
Off Edison's Neighbor,

12
00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:34,034
Whose Head Was
Hideously Enormous.

13
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,169
This Bulb Lasts So Long,
It Will Be Giving Off Light

14
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,571
Well After You're Dead.

15
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:45,245
Gentlemen, When You Fight
Like That, Manhood Weeps.

16
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:48,381
Nice Work, Ted. You've Made
A Super Long‐Lasting Lightbulb.

17
00:00:48,414 --> 00:00:50,316
And Since That's The Name
Of This Project,

18
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,152
Your Instincts Are Spot‐On.

19
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,555
Thank You, Everybody.

20
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,890
The Company's
Gonna Love This.

21
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,825
And I Can't Get Enough
Of The Company's Love.

22
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,561
Maybe You And The Company
Should Spend A Weekend

23
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:03,229
In Wine Country Together, Share
A Couple Of Bottles One Evening,

24
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,732
Maybe Convince It
Not To Wear Panties To Dinner.

25
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,169
You Should Jump On That,
Ted,

26
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,337
Before The Crazy
Outweighs The Hot.

27
00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:14,240
So There's A Famous Theoretical
Physicist

28
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,076
Named Stella Clifton Giving A
Lecture Tonight.

29
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,478
She's On The Company's Radar,
And I'd Like For You

30
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,681
To Go Talk To Her
About Coming To Work Here.

31
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,549
I'd Emphasize
The Salary She'd Make

32
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,350
And Downplay The Way
We Treat People.

33
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:27,120
I'm Sorry.
I Couldn't Help But Overhear.

34
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,455
Hiring Stella Clifton
Would Be A Huge Mistake.

35
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,857
She's Arrogant, Super Critical

36
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:34,460
And Hangs Her Wet Bras
On Everything.

37
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,563
I Mean, That's The Buzz
In The Physics Chat Rooms.

38
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,837
Stella Clifton Is Lem's Mom.
He Doesn't Want People To Know

39
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,305
Because He's Always Felt
Overshadowed By Her.

40
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:47,140
So You're Saying
We Have An In?

41
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,875
I'm Saying, Can't We Just
Let This One Go?

42
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,476
It Wouldn't Be
The First Time

43
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,978
We Didn't Hire
A Brilliant Scientist

44
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,213
Because Someone At The Company
Would Be Upset.

45
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,815
Remember Bob Hitler?

46
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,651
No, I Forgot
The Scientist Named Hitler.

47
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,020
Okay, Fine.
We Won't Go After Lem's Mom.

48
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,855
But This Would Be Easier
To Sell Upstairs

49
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,758
If Someone Named Clifton Had
Bombed The Hell Out Of London.

50
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,197
Good Morning, Phil.

51
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,866
You're Late.

52
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,168
Were You Up Watching
That Documentary On Moss?

53
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,303
Can You Believe How Much
That Stuff Likes Shade?

54
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:19,205
It Just Goes Nuts.

55
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,075
No, I Was Up Because My Mom
Was Having Sex With Some Guy.

56
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,845
Ohh.
Either That, Or They Were
Using Her Bed To Hammer

57
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,347
A Very Stubborn Nail
Into The Wall.

58
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,282
It's Not Right
The Way She Treats You.

59
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,953
She's So Inconsiderate.
She's Like Rhodesian Wet Moss.

60
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,189
That Stuff Doesn't Give A Damn
Who It Hurts.

61
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,892
(Singsong Voice) Good Morning!
I Had Sex Last Night.

62
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,528
(Normal Voice) That's Right‐‐
Dirty, Sloppy Sex.

63
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,630
Truly, Gentlemen,
My Hips Were A Blur.

64
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,732
I Went To
The Stella Clifton Lecture,

65
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,034
And Afterwards We Started
To Chat And Hit It Off.

66
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,071
So We Went To A Bar‐‐
Tell Me You Met Another Woman
There And Went Home With Her
.

67
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,807
I Did Meet Another Woman.
(Phil And Lem Exhale Deeply)

68
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,509
But She Wasn't Interested,
So I Went Home

69
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,311
With Stella Clifton
And Porked Her All Night.

70
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,513
Oh, God! Oh, God!
(Whimpers) Oh, God!

71
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,782
Yeah, She Sounded
Just Like That.

72
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,851
(Whimpers)

73
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,120
I Had A Great Idea.
You Should Have Come In Here

74
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,855
Holding That Bulb Over Your Head
So I Could Tell.

75
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,858
Yesterday I Was In My Cubicle,
And A Fly Got Caught In My Lamp,

76
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,294
And It Started To Cook.
That's Not Really An Idea.

77
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:17,163
That's More Of
An Unpleasant Anecdote

78
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,867
Or A Cautionary Tale For Flies.
No, The Bulb Kept Giving Off
This Putrid Smell,

79
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,368
So I Sprayed Perfume On It.

80
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,337
And Then Today
When I Turned My Lamp On,

81
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,240
My Whole Cubicle Smelled Pretty.
And So I Thought,

82
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:31,477
Bing! We Should Develop A Line
Of Scented Lightbulbs.

83
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,246
Uh...

84
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,049
And React Positively.

85
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,718
Okay, Um...

86
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,653
You Hate It. (Sighs)

87
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,722
All I Ever Do
Is Test Other People's Ideas.

88
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,891
I Was So Excited To Finally
Come Up With One Of My Own.

89
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,393
But You're Right.
It's Stupid.

90
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,563
I Should Die
Like A Lightbulb Fly.

91
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,298
No, It's Not Stupid. It's Just,
I Have Spent Years Developing

92
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,300
This Long‐Lasting Bulb,
And I Don't Want

93
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:56,336
To Distract The Company
With A Different One.

94
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,705
Not To Oversell It, But Mine
Will Save The World,

95
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,206
And Then Veridian
Will Change Its Name

96
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,042
To Ted's Awesome
Lightbulb Company.

97
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,983
Perfect.
Now I Can Tell My Joke.

98
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,719
How Many Product Testers Does
It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

99
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,688
Ted Hated My Idea.

100
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,023
No. Seven.

101
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:21,562
The End Still Needs Work.
I Told Ted An Idea I Had
For A Scented Lightbulb,

102
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,896
But He Didn't Think
We Should Do It.

103
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,899
Hmm. I Think A Scented Lightbulb
Is A Good Idea.

104
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,034
Really? You Think
It's Worth Pursuing?

105
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,736
No, I Don't.
Oh.

106
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,237
I'm Kidding. I Like It.

107
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,073
You Do?
No... Oh..

108
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,509
Seriously, I Like It.
Okay, What Are We Doing Now?

109
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,512
I'm Showing You That You Care
Too Much What People Think.

110
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,346
Successful People
Don't Do That, Linda.

111
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,849
You've Gotta Be Confident.
You've Got A Good Idea,

112
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,851
And You Shouldn't Let
Anyone Stop You.

113
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,186
You Really Think
It's A Good Idea?

114
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:50,356
No, I Don't.
Well, I Do.

115
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:53,359
Finally! And That's Why
It Takes Seven Product Testers

116
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,395
To Change A Lightbulb.

117
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,903
So I Took Linda's Idea
For Scented Lightbulbs

118
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,404
Upstairs To Chet,
And He Loved It.

119
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:06,807
Really?

120
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,541
Wow.

121
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,009
You Went Over My Head
On This?

122
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,912
No. I‐I Just Went Out Your Door
And
Ran Into Veronica.

123
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:12,913
Then She Went
Over Your Head.

124
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,982
The Company Sees This
As A Whole New Way

125
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,117
To Market Lightbulbs
To Women.

126
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,553
And Since You Thought Of
The Idea And You're A Woman,

127
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,822
Even Though Your
Shoes
Argue Otherwise,

128
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,024
The Company Wants You To Co‐Run
The Project With Ted.

129
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,059
That's Fantastic.

130
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,862
Ted, Are You Okay With This?
Please Be Okay With This.

131
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,197
It Would Be So Exciting
If We Could Work Together

132
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:33,667
On A Project That
I Came Up With. (Chuckles)

133
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,468
Of Course.

134
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,138
Yeah, I'm‐‐
I'm Looking Forward To It.
Ah.

135
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,307
It Is Going To Be‐‐
Oh, And Your Lightbulb Project
Is Dead.

136
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,376
Fantastic.

137
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,454
Mommy?

138
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,657
Hello, Sweetheart. How Was
Your Day At The Crap Factory?

139
00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,527
You Know, Sometimes I Feel
Like You Judge What I Do.
I'm Not Judging You.

140
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,663
I Just Weighed
The Empirical Evidence

141
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,865
And Came To
An Objective Conclusion‐‐

142
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,667
You're Wasting Your Talent.

143
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:10,370
It's Like Jackson Pollock
Painting Cars For $99.95.

144
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,639
Listen...

145
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,408
I Wanted To Talk
To You About Dr. Bhamba.

146
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,544
My New Lover?
(Groans) Yes.

147
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,079
It's Just, You Two Dating

148
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,014
Is Making It Awkward
For Me At Work.

149
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,983
Heaven Forbid
I've Slowed Production

150
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,951
Of The Latest
Worthless Gadget.

151
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,053
What Will People Do
Without A Helmet

152
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,789
That Feeds Them Cheeseburgers

153
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,224
Or A Remote Control
For Their Underpants?

154
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,393
We're Not Making
A Cheeseburger Helmet.

155
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,295
They Pulled The Plug

156
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,331
After It Fed One Of
The Test Subjects To Death.

157
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,801
I'm Sorry, Lem, But I'm
Not Giving Up My Bhamba.

158
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,569
He's A Very Special Man.

159
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,572
Look. This Robe Is So Short,
If I Were A Bell,

160
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,340
You Could Almost See
My Clapper.

161
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:48,975
(Laughs)

162
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,612
I'm Never Calling You Daddy.
Never, Never!

163
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,851
Okay, I Am Happy For Linda.

164
00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,520
Yay, Linda.

165
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,622
But The Long‐Lasting Bulb
Is Important To Me.

166
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,557
And Taking My Feelings
Completely Out Of It,

167
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,859
It Is Way Better Than
Linda's Dumb, Smelly Bulb.

168
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:09,062
Ted, Ted, Ted.
I See What's Going On Here.

169
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,532
You're Worried That After Years
Of The Company Adoring You,

170
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,534
A Shiny, New Linda
Has Come Along,

171
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,636
And They May Not Have Enough
Love For Both Of You.

172
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,638
(Chuckles) I Am Not
Worried About That.

173
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,205
Did They Say
That's What's Happening?

174
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,907
I Know What
You're Going Through.

175
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,510
When My Little Sister
Came Along, I Was Very Jealous.

176
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,513
That Feeling Never Went Away‐‐
Even When She Was Older,

177
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,348
And I Put Testosterone
In Her Orange Juice

178
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,350
So She Became Hairy
And Unlovable

179
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,285
And Got Kicked Off
The Gymnastics Team For Doping.

180
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:34,454
Oh, My God!

181
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,222
I Was Not
A Perfect Child, Ted.

182
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,191
My Parents Only Had
So Much Love,

183
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:41,127
And I Got It,
And Monkey Girl Didn't.

184
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,230
Anyway, Don't Be Like That.

185
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,169
(Laughter)
(Man) Whoo!

186
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,571
Ow!

187
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,072
(Laughter Continuing)

188
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,307
Maybe Bhamba's
Not Talking About Your Mom.

189
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,176
Maybe He's Talking
About The Time

190
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,911
He Won That Hula‐Hoop
Competition.

191
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:00,180
And That's How I Won
The Hula‐Hoop Competition...

192
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,982
(Exhales)

193
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,384
And Developed The Pelvic Stamina
To Satisfy The Sexual Desires

194
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:07,353
Of The Famous
Dr. Stella Clifton.
(Men Talking Indistinctly)

195
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:10,290
I Can't Believe Your Mom
Is Doing This To You.

196
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,225
She's Really Not
Going To Stop Seeing Bhamba?

197
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,628
Nope. I Spent My Whole Life
Trying Not To Be

198
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,530
Just The Son Of The Famous
Stella Clifton,

199
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,965
And Now That's All Anyone's
Going To Be Talking About.

200
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,035
Hey, It's Stella Clifton's Son!
Welcome To Veridian.

201
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,538
We Expect Great Things
From You.

202
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,140
I've Been Working Here
For 11 Years.

203
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,975
(Chuckles)
Oh, I Doubt That.

204
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,011
Great To Have You Aboard.

205
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,983
(Ted) Okay, Everybody's Here.

206
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,120
Okay! Everybody's Here.

207
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,388
I Know You're Co‐Leading This,
But That Doesn't Mean

208
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:45,025
Just Repeating What I Say.
Maybe You're Repeating
What Isay

209
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,193
Just Before I Get
A Chance To Say It.

210
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,062
Okay, Linda, Why Don't You
Take The Meeting?

211
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,364
All Right, I Will.
Ted, Bring Us Up To Speed.

212
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:55,135
All Right. First Of All,
Let's Talk About A Timeline.
Timeline, People.

213
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,470
Because Some Of Us Who Have
Never Run A Project Before

214
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:00,340
May Not Realize It Can Take
Years To Go From An Idea

215
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,909
To A Workable Prototype.
Am I Right, Fellas?

216
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,244
Absolutely.

217
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,979
See?

218
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:08,014
But In This Case, The Concept
Was So Elegantly Simple

219
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,284
That We Banged One Out
This Morning.
(Sniffs)

220
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:12,853
Interesting.

221
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,789
So Then I Would Be
Safe To Say... Ha.

222
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,991
(Scoffs) Please. Your Bulb
Smells Like Pumpkin Pie.

223
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,993
Mine Would Have
Slowed Climate Change.

224
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,662
But I Guess
When The Ice Caps Melt,

225
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,496
We Will Need Something That
Smells Good To Cover Up

226
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,131
The Stench Of All
The Dead Polar Bears.

227
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,467
Boys, How Long Would It Take
To Develop New Technology

228
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,469
So That Ted Can
Go Screw Himself?

229
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,204
Mm, We're Not Prepared
To Address‐‐

230
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,508
(Lowered Voice) Don't Talk.
This Isn't About Us.

231
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,780
Look... I Think
It's Gonna Be Impossible

232
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,615
For Us To Co‐Lead
These Meetings.

233
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,718
Can't Take A Little Heat,
Like Your Precious Polar Bears?

234
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,187
Wait. How Did I Get On The Crazy
Side Of Climate Change?

235
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,855
There She Is.

236
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,725
Linda, You Remember
My Boss Chet?

237
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,794
You Better Watch Out
For This One, Ted.

238
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,330
She Could Be The New Ted,
A Super Sweet‐Smelling Ted.

239
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,399
Oh, That's Just My Bulbs,
Sir.

240
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,568
Hey‐O!
Very Funny, Chet.

241
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,804
You Tiptoed Right Up To The Line
But Didn't Cross It.

242
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:07,574
Yeah. Oh, She's A Sharp One.
Watch Your Back, Stud.

243
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:11,211
Hey! (Chuckles) Once Again,
Sir, Right Up To The Line.

244
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,947
This Project
Is Going To Be Great.

245
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,616
I Hope So, Sir.

246
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:18,184
What Do You Mean,
You Hope So?

247
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,821
Nothing. I‐I Just Hope
Everything Goes Well.

248
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,824
Why Wouldn't It?
Is There A Problem, Veronica?

249
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,026
Not At All.
It's A Home Run.

250
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,494
Linda Was Just Doing A Funny
Character She's Been Working On.

251
00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:31,064
It's A Product Tester
Whose Lack Of Confidence

252
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,834
Traps Her In A Sad Cubicle
Where She Dies Old And Alone

253
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,669
Without Ever Owning
A Decent Purse.

254
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:38,905
Well, As Long As She
Never Does It Again,

255
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,473
I Don't See The Harm.

256
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:43,944
(Chuckles)

257
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,345
There's A Meeting
On Your Project

258
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,780
Tomorrow Night
With The Department Heads.

259
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,649
If You Want To Be In The Game,
You're Gonna Have To Show

260
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,617
A Lot More Confidence
Than You Just Did.

261
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,119
I Love That One.
I Hate That One,

262
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,788
And Bring Me Chicken
For Lunch.

263
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,323
What Were Those?

264
00:10:57,357 --> 00:11:00,961
I Have No Idea, But Did You
See How Confident I Was?

265
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,664
So Confident,
I'm Getting Chicken.

266
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,866
Now You Try It.

267
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:09,536
What Do I Tell Him To Do?
It Doesn't Matter.
Just Make Sure He Does It.

268
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,175
Lose The Tie, Hippie.

269
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,177
What?
What's Wrong With My Tie?

270
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,946
Are You Questioning Me?
Oh, That's Rich.

271
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,948
I Said Lose It!

272
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,250
And Bring Me A Chicken.

273
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,222
Very Nicely Done.

274
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,191
Today, We Feast On Chicken,

275
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,159
Although You May Be
Getting A Live One.

276
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,036
Why Are You Looking Up
My Mother's Facebook Page?

277
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,672
I'm Going To Find Her,
Seduce Her,

278
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,675
And Make Sensitive
Yet Vigorous Love To Her.

279
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,544
Well, That's The One Thing
We Haven't Tried

280
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,846
To Get Her Out Of The Coma.

281
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,115
Maybe I Could Save You
Three Very Weird Minutes.

282
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,351
Things Between Your Mother And I
Have Hit A Rough Patch.
Oh, No.

283
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,020
What Do I Do With That World's
Greatest Stepdad Coffee Mug

284
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,688
I Got For You?

285
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,024
Guess I Have To Take It Back
To The Sarcasm Store.

286
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,560
It's Just,
Stella Is So Intelligent,

287
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,662
I'm Starting To Feel
Like An Idiot Around Her.

288
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,197
I Know What You Mean.
She's Always Reminding Me

289
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,534
That While She's Unlocking
The Secrets Of The Universe,

290
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,302
I'm Trying To Design A Toaster
That Can Handle A Pizza Bagel.

291
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,405
That Would Be A Boon
To Both Jews And Italians.

292
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,642
You're A Very Good Scientist,
Lem.

293
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:25,145
You Shouldn't Feel
Inferior To Your Mother.
Well, Neither Should You.

294
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,113
Your Breakthroughs
In Weapons Technology

295
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,883
Have Made Warfare
Exponentially More Horrifying.

296
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,819
Well,
I Don't Know About That.

297
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:36,222
It Takes A Village
To Kill A Village.

298
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,191
I Wonder, If Only
There Were A Way

299
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,827
To Show Your Mother We're
Intellectually Worthy Of Her.

300
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,395
Well, I'm Out Of Ideas.

301
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,330
I Helped Put A Satellite
Into Orbit When I Was 11,

302
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,899
But It Wasn't
"Geosynchronous,"

303
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,969
So She Wouldn't Even Look Up
When It Went Over Our House.

304
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,838
We're Both Smart.
Maybe If We Work Together,

305
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,640
We Could Do Something
To Impress Her‐‐

306
00:12:53,674 --> 00:12:56,176
Like A Bagel Toaster
That Tracks Down Enemies

307
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:59,145
And Burns Them Evenly
On Both Sides.

308
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,948
No, Not That.
Or Something
She Would Appreciate‐‐

309
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,517
Something Theoretical,

310
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,787
With No Practical Application
Whatsoever.
Yes!

311
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,322
Just To Be Clear,
It Has To Be Science, Right?

312
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,358
Not Just A Great Dance Move
Or Something?

313
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,332
Come On. One Great Idea.

314
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:22,002
Lightbulbs That... Taste Good.

315
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,170
No, That Sucks! I Suck.

316
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,339
No Wonder The Company's
Gone Off Me.

317
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,374
So "Suck" Is Okay
To Say Now?

318
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,811
'Cause I Have Some Thoughts
About The Lunch

319
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,979
You Packed Me Today.
I'm Sorry, Honey.
I'm Just A Little Frustrated.

320
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,380
I'm Trying
To Figure Out Something

321
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,884
The Company
Would Really Appreciate.

322
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,521
Well, Why Don't You Just Ask
The Company What It Wants?

323
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,356
I Always Like It On My Birthday
When You Ask Me What I Want.

324
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,359
Well, The Company
Doesn't Know What It...

325
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,696
Stella Clifton. That's It.

326
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:52,533
That's What They Want.
I'll Get Them Stella Clifton.

327
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:54,367
Mwah! Thank You, Honey.

328
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,136
If You Think About It,

329
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,038
It's Not Hard To Figure Out
What People Want,

330
00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:01,174
Especially If They Tell You
Over And Over Again.

331
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,843
We're Not Getting
A Motorcycle With A Sidecar.

332
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,345
It's Just Not Practical.
We'll See.

333
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,356
What's 4 Plus 8?

334
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,459
I Don't Know.
A Triangle?

335
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,795
I'm Very Tired.

336
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,964
What Is All This?

337
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,499
We've Been Up All Night Trying
To Earn My Mother's Respect

338
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,502
By Solving
Clifton's Unfinished Equation,

339
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,705
Which, As The Name Implies,
She's Been Unable To Finish.

340
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:35,308
Lem, You Shouldn't Have To
Prove Anything To Your Mom.

341
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:38,645
You're Great,
And If She Can't See That,

342
00:14:38,679 --> 00:14:41,347
Then She Is An Insensitive Idiot

343
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,184
Who Happens To Be Hot And Sexy.
Phil!

344
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,587
I Am Still A Man.

345
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,294
(Elevator Bell Dings)

346
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:57,363
Are You Ready For The Meeting?
We Have To Cancel.

347
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,899
Ted's Disappeared,
And I Just Found Out,

348
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,067
If You Leave The Scented Bulbs
On For Three Days,

349
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,836
It Smells Like Rotting Meat.

350
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:06,372
Linda, Listen To Yourself.
Those Are Just Facts,

351
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,309
And Facts Are Just Opinions,
And Opinions Can Be Wrong.

352
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,145
The Only Thing That Is
Never Wrong Is Confidence.

353
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,948
But‐‐
No Buts.
I Brought This Upstairs,

354
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,150
And Your Failure
Will Be My Failure.

355
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,553
You Can Do This.
I Know You Can.

356
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,622
Now Get In There
And Run That Meeting

357
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:23,690
Like A Shark
Driving An Assault Vehicle

358
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,526
Through A Herd Of Seals
Wearing Chum Pants.

359
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:29,162
I'll Do It.

360
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:32,733
And So With Aromas Ranging From
Zucchini Bread To Fresh Laundry,

361
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,536
The Scented Lightbulb
Has Zero Downside.

362
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:37,538
I Heard That
After A Couple Of Days,

363
00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:40,574
The Bulb Stinks
Like Rotting Meat.

364
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,344
Then You, Sir,

365
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,180
Are The Stupidest Man
Who's Ever Lived.

366
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,615
What?

367
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:49,850
What?

368
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,952
I'm An Executive
Who Says, "What?"

369
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:55,622
What Are You, 2? You're The One
Who Smells Like Rotting Meat.

370
00:15:55,656 --> 00:15:59,292
(Whispers) Finish Him.
Oh, My God.
You're Jealous Of The Lightbulb.

371
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,529
That's What This Is About.
You Hate Light And Smell.

372
00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:05,398
What In The Name Of God
Did Your Parents Do To You?

373
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,702
Saunders, Take Your
Weird, Emotional Issues

374
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,537
And Get Out.

375
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,440
(Whispers) Sorry.

376
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,309
(Lowered Voice)
No Weakness.

377
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,211
(Normal Voice) Anyone Else
Hear Any Stupid Rumors

378
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,345
About My Lightbulb?

379
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,414
Come On, Bring It.

380
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,220
(Ted) So I Took
Stella Clifton To Dinner

381
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,289
To Convince Her
To Come Work For Veridian.

382
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,124
And I Brought Phil Along
In Case The Conversation

383
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,693
Got All Science‐Y On Me.

384
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,628
If You Join
The Veridian Team,

385
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,497
You Would Have Access To
Unmatched Scientific Resources,

386
00:16:37,531 --> 00:16:40,701
From Hydro‐Percolation
Nongravitational Calibrators

387
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:43,637
To Executives Who Only Know
The Name Of One Cool Thing

388
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,171
But Will Stay Out Of Your Way.

389
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,675
I've Always Felt That When
Science Is Seduced By Commerce,

390
00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,811
Scientists Become
Intellectual Prostitutes‐‐

391
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,346
Mind Sluts, Brain Whores.

392
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:56,717
Well, We Don't Have
To Pay You. (Chuckles)

393
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,520
Uh, So, Phil,
You've Been A Little Quiet.

394
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:01,221
Why Don't You Tell
Dr. Clifton What You Like

395
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,523
About Working At Veridian?

396
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:04,858
(Swallows) Ahh.

397
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:08,061
You're A Bitch.

398
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,664
And There's A Gym,
Which Has A Little Juice Bar.

399
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,566
Who Needs To Exercise At A Gym

400
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,702
When You've Got Your Son's Ego
To Beat Up On?

401
00:17:15,736 --> 00:17:17,638
Phillip Myman,
If I Am A Little Hard On Lem,

402
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:19,873
It's Because I'm Helping Him
By Pointing Out

403
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,142
Potential Areas
For Improvement.

404
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,810
When Ted Asked Me
To Come Tonight,

405
00:17:23,844 --> 00:17:25,812
I Agreed For One Reason‐‐

406
00:17:25,846 --> 00:17:29,315
To Tell You That Your Son
Is A Great Guy

407
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,653
And A Brilliant Scientist,
And If You Don't Want Him

408
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:34,621
To Go Through Life Feeling
Like Crap About Himself,

409
00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:37,223
You Should Tell Him You're
Proud Of Him Once In A While.

410
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,192
Okay, This Is My Fault.

411
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,162
I Should Not Have Let Phil
Have His Own Grown‐Up Drink.
And You.

412
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,365
You're So Desperate To Score
Points With The Company,

413
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,468
You're Trying To Hire
This Hot, Sexy Woman

414
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:51,404
Even Though You Know
It Would Destroy Lem.

415
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,273
Yes, I Think You're Sexy.

416
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,642
Yes, I Don't Have
A Lot Of Grown‐Up Drinks,

417
00:17:55,676 --> 00:17:58,645
And, Yes,
I Wish I Had A Third Yes.

418
00:17:58,679 --> 00:18:01,582
And, Yes, I Don't.

419
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,990
(Knock On Door)

420
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:11,291
Hey.

421
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,193
Ted. What A Surprise.

422
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,161
You Missed
A Good Meeting Today.

423
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,798
I Lied In A Loud Voice
And Then Crushed The Spirit

424
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,200
Of The Only Honest Man
In The Room.

425
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,068
Listen...
(Closes Door)

426
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,004
I Want To Help You
With Your Lightbulb,

427
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,405
And I Mean Really
Help You This Time,

428
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,940
Not Get All Pissy
And Competitive.

429
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:30,310
Why? Linda Wonders
Suspiciously.

430
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,846
'Cause I Realized Tonight That
Chasing The Company's Approval

431
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,982
Has Turned Me Into A Childish,
Approval‐Chasing Butt‐Head.

432
00:18:36,016 --> 00:18:38,318
Those Were Phil's Words
When I Drove Him Home.

433
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:41,522
He Also Accused Me
Of Being Blurry And Spinny.

434
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:44,457
Well, I Haven't Behaved
Perfectly Either,

435
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,159
Linda Says Contritely.

436
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,227
Why Are You Talking
Like That?

437
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:50,831
Because It Makes It Easier
For Me To Say I'm Sorry.

438
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:54,034
Even Though I Have M
Ostly
Contempt For The Company,

439
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,537
It Still Felt Nice When They
Patted Me On The Head.

440
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,772
And That Made Me Act
All Gloaty,

441
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,974
Linda Explained
Explanatorily.

442
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,943
Well, It's Okay,

443
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:06,046
Ted Said, Using His Mouth.
(Chuckles)

444
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:09,683
I'm Glad We Don't Talk Like This
All The Time, He Added.

445
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:11,484
(Laughs)

446
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,960
That Can't Be A 7,
Or The Sky Would Be Green.

447
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,195
Mom. What Brings You To
The Place Where, As You Say,

448
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,665
"Science Bends Over
And Grabs Its Ankles"?

449
00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:27,968
I Just Wanted To See
What My Son Was Up To.

450
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:31,471
Why Are You Wasting Your Time
Working On My Stuff?

451
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:34,340
Why Don't You Show Me
What You're Working On?

452
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,678
Because You're Gonna
Think It's Stupid.
I Won't.

453
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,552
Popcorn That Pops
From The Heat In Your Mouth.

454
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:46,953
Huh.

455
00:19:46,987 --> 00:19:49,856
It's Pretty Cool, Actually.

456
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:53,193
(Corn Popping)

457
00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:01,802
(Mouth Full)
I Think I Put Too Much In.

458
00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:04,304
(Spits)

459
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,940
Can I Try One?
(Normal Voice) Are You Sure?

460
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,676
It's Fresh
From The Crap Factory.

461
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,515
(Pops)

462
00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:17,150
(Laughs) I Like It.

463
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,819
Really?

464
00:20:18,852 --> 00:20:22,523
I'm Sorry I Never
Looked Up At Your Satellite.

465
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:26,192
It's Okay. It's Coming
Around Again In 2015.

466
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,429
It's A Date.
You Bring The Popcorn.

467
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:32,032
Crocodiles!

468
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,400
Oh! I Was Having A Dream.

469
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,571
The Only Thing I Remember Was
A Curious Lack Of Crocodiles,

470
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,173
And So I Began
To Call Out For Them.

471
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:43,443
Oh. Stella.

472
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,946
Look At The Boards.

473
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:48,949
See How Smart I Am?
I Taped Three Of Them Together.

474
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,951
Who Cares If You're Smart?
You're Great In The Sack.

475
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:52,719
Really?

476
00:20:52,753 --> 00:20:54,555
Ugh.

477
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:00,226
Eventually,
Working Together,

478
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,162
Linda And I Found A Solution
To Her Stinking Bulb Problem.

479
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:04,197
I Just Wanted To Say
Thanks For Mentoring Me,

480
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,966
But I Can't Keep Faking
The Crazy‐Confident Thing.

481
00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:07,968
It's Making Me More Crazy
Than Confident.

482
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,369
That's Fine, Linda.

483
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,337
You Are Weak And So Will
Never Be A Threat To Me.

484
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,840
That's Perhaps
Your Greatest Quality.

485
00:21:13,874 --> 00:21:14,941
And I Realized That
Whether It's A Giant,

486
00:21:14,975 --> 00:21:16,943
Multinational Company
Or Your Own Mother,

487
00:21:16,977 --> 00:21:18,945
You Should Never Chase
Someone Else's Approval.

488
00:21:18,979 --> 00:21:21,948
Hey, Ted, I Heard You Pitched In
On The Lightbulb. Nice Work.

489
00:21:21,982 --> 00:21:27,187
Really? You Think So?
God, That Felt Good.

490
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,690
(Camera Shutter Clicks)